I must admit, I have balked at others who have claimed to be experiencing reverse culture shock. However, after I experienced re-entry into Canada after 3 years of life in Bangladesh, I recognized it truly is "a thing". Even though I am visiting my home country after only 9 months abroad, some confusing, conflicting emotions and experiences have lead me to realize that I am experiencing some re-entry shock on some level.
Habits form quicker than I realized. In Cambodia, we always handle money with respect, using either both hands to exchange it, or one hand on the bill whilst the other hand touches the opposite arm. I find myself handling money this way in Canada, and people looking at me strangely as a result. It's not really a "shock", but rather a surprise in how quickly the habit has formed.
When I went into the Zehrs Grocery Store at the Pen Center, I had a melt down. I cried. I can't determine if the extreme emotion was the shock of all that is available in one place or the pleasant memories of years of shopping for my family in that store. I can purchase almost everything in Phnom Penh that I can at home, but it takes a few stores and special trips out. My emotions are conflicted between the fun adventure of grocery shopping in Cambodia and the easy convenience of a Zehrs experience. I may miss the convenience a little more than I realized.
It is boring to drive in Canada. I remember feeling that way when we returned from Bangladesh. If you're stuck in traffic, which I am everytime I drive between Niagara and Toronto, you might as well have something entertaining to watch, like a moto filled with live chickens and ducks or people selling interesting things like deep fried crickets on the streets.
I have a better understanding of how difficult it is to stay in touch with the time difference and the busyness of life in Canada. I best experienced this at a family barbecue that Greg wanted to be part of and Skyped in on. The connection wasn't great, people had just started eating and weren't really interested in connecting with him. I felt the pain of knowing what that feels like when feeling all alone and so far away aligned with witnessing that people at home simply don't understand it. They're busy. They're eating. They have lives. My sweet J understood how his Dad was feeling and they had a great chat. I have come to understand the commitment my children take in connecting with us everyday as it is a challenge to be available exactly when it works for Greg on the other side of the world.
People have grown and changed without me here as I have changed due to my experiences. Experts on the re-entry warn that most people at home simply aren't interested your life abroad, not because they're rude, but they can't relate. I am grateful to the many who have taken the time and interest to ask me specific questions about our lives and work in Cambodia. My sister's sweet son sat with me on the balcony, crossed his little legs and asked, "So, how's Uncle Greg?" Then he asked exactly what Greg did for work. It was very special.
Canadians are stressed out. Wow. I have realized for quite some time that I live with less stress in Phnom Penh, but being back has emphasized that fact.
Canadians are very polite! Having lived in a country where the mentality is to get ahead in traffic and any type of queue, I realize why Canadians have the reputation of being polite. Every time I've been given the right of way when it's not mine, I am amazed.
The biggest shock might be that Phnom Penh is becoming home. Although I grieve not living everyday life with my kids and friends, I find myself longing for my life in Cambodia. I miss Greg, my house, my space, the traffic, the easy pace of life and I really miss my friends.
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Sunday, May 21, 2017
My Top Ten
I was on a Skype call with a friend from home and she asked me what the top three difficult things were about living in Cambodia. Besides missing people, especially my children, I found it hard to come up with three difficulties. Instead, I am going list the top ten things that I like about living in Phnom Penh.
1. Fulfilling work - There is something very special about having the opportunity to work for an organization invested in international justice. Our personal contribution may be of little consequence, but we are aware that we are part of something hugely important. The NGO Greg works for is instrumental in bringing change to exploited people in Cambodia. The NGO is well established in the country and was here long before world wide government agencies stepped in to meet the humanitarian needs of Cambodia, post genocide. It is a gift to us that we became aware of Ratanak and it is worth your time researching to determine if it's a good fit for your charity support.
Teaching piano here has been much less stressful than in Canada. Students are less busy, say thank you and seem to appreciate the opportunity to take lessons.
It's not that our work at home wasn't fulfilling or making a difference, but the opportunity we have been given to live and work in Cambodia is humbling and exciting in a way we haven't experienced before.
2. Relationships - My experience is the people who live in expatriate settings need one another. People have time for one another and always make good on their suggestion to get together. I love that people in our borey (neighbourhood) will simply pop by unannounced for coffee and a visit. The richness in having friends from so many different countries is very fulfilling. It's fun to learn about different cultures, both differences and similarities, through spending time together. The Aussies are particularly "entertaining"!
3. Always Interesting - I think it will be years before we are accustomed to our surroundings. The newness of living in another country and culture is fascinating because things don't always make sense to us. Greg loves how the city comes to life at night. Pop up restaurants made up of plastic chairs and metal tables appear once the work day is through and people are out and about. The open areas are filled with people playing badminton, enjoying picnics and doing outdoor exercise classes. Our neighbourhood comes alive with people going for walks once the heat of the day has passed and cooled down to a mere 28 for night time walking. Just today I noticed a guy riding his moto with extra bike tires around his waist for transport. We see something new and slightly nutty everyday.
4. Cambodians - Our experience is that Cambodians are kind and welcoming people. To think an entire generation was almost wiped out with the Pol Pot regime is unfathomable, yet here we live among the surviving and the generation to follow. What the country endured is beyond belief and if you ever have the chance to visit me, the Killing Fields and Prison are must sees to have an understanding of what fellow humanity has suffered.
5.Our Church - We are attending an Anglican church, which is quite different than either of our traditional expressions of faith in Christ. We love it. We enjoy the reflective liturgy, sung and spoken, the use of Scripture throughout the service, the deep and meaningful prayer times all weaved with well chosen contemporary and traditional hymns. The Priest is well spoken, challenging and the congregation full of young families. There are so many babies to get my baby fix!
6.Opportunities to Travel - It's simply more affordable to travel throughout Asia than from Canada. Although we were blessed with experiencing much of Asia in 2005-2008, there are some countries we haven't explored. There are 21 statutory holidays in Cambodia that Greg's NGO recognizes, not to mention 3 weeks of vacation. May offered two long weekends! We recently enjoyed a trip to Thailand and although we've visited before, it was fun to remember and see what has changed. The amazing pop up restaurants on the streets are all but gone, which is very sad. The roads and big shopping malls seem to have only improved and apparently the Thai have a taste for Western fattening food because there was a shocking amount of overweight Thai people, which was a big change.
7. Challenging - It's good be challenged and live outside of what's easy and comfortable. Greg is challenged by the Khmer (pronounced Kuh-my) language course he is taking. He works a full day, drives in the bucketing rain on his moto to the University for language class and comes home to study all night. It's a good challenge, a necessary challenge and he is committed to going deep into the language. Once I've become totally settled, I will take a more basic course that focuses on more conversational language rather than the reading and writing Greg is studying. I've had a flat tire driving home and learning how to handle that without speaking Khmer was challenging but entertaining. My tire was literally changed on the side of the road in 3 minutes. No wheel balancing needed for these roads!
8. Less Stressful - I truly find life less stressful here. It's hard to explain but we live a much slower pace of life. I suppose becoming empty nesters contributes to being less busy although we are so thankful that our kids involve us in their daily lives. Nothing makes me happier than a middle of the night phone call to help them solve a 911. Having a house helper three times a week takes the stress of house chores and not owning a house, less responsibility. Life is more affordable here. Our money goes further for "fun" things, like weekly foot massages, eating out and $2.75 movie tickets. (the latest movies too!)
9. City Life - It took me a long while to adjust to life in Niagara after living in Toronto for 7 years. I've come to realize that both Greg and I really enjoy city living. Our kids have also come to love big city living.
10. Dependence on God - Living in a new culture means that many things we take for granted at home,such as where to buy sour cream, aren't obvious. Even though life seems more simple here, it's far more complicated in many ways. We've had a huge learning curve in order to have our basic needs met.(I know, I know...sour cream is not a basic need. :) When you need to pray about basic needs, your need for God heightens. It's our faith that gets through some of those challenges and we've seen God pull through again and again, just as His word promises - He is faithful.
I did it! Ten things I like about Phnom Penh. To be honest, there a few things that drive me mad about living here too, but we'll save those for another rainy day.
1. Fulfilling work - There is something very special about having the opportunity to work for an organization invested in international justice. Our personal contribution may be of little consequence, but we are aware that we are part of something hugely important. The NGO Greg works for is instrumental in bringing change to exploited people in Cambodia. The NGO is well established in the country and was here long before world wide government agencies stepped in to meet the humanitarian needs of Cambodia, post genocide. It is a gift to us that we became aware of Ratanak and it is worth your time researching to determine if it's a good fit for your charity support.
Teaching piano here has been much less stressful than in Canada. Students are less busy, say thank you and seem to appreciate the opportunity to take lessons.
It's not that our work at home wasn't fulfilling or making a difference, but the opportunity we have been given to live and work in Cambodia is humbling and exciting in a way we haven't experienced before.
2. Relationships - My experience is the people who live in expatriate settings need one another. People have time for one another and always make good on their suggestion to get together. I love that people in our borey (neighbourhood) will simply pop by unannounced for coffee and a visit. The richness in having friends from so many different countries is very fulfilling. It's fun to learn about different cultures, both differences and similarities, through spending time together. The Aussies are particularly "entertaining"!
3. Always Interesting - I think it will be years before we are accustomed to our surroundings. The newness of living in another country and culture is fascinating because things don't always make sense to us. Greg loves how the city comes to life at night. Pop up restaurants made up of plastic chairs and metal tables appear once the work day is through and people are out and about. The open areas are filled with people playing badminton, enjoying picnics and doing outdoor exercise classes. Our neighbourhood comes alive with people going for walks once the heat of the day has passed and cooled down to a mere 28 for night time walking. Just today I noticed a guy riding his moto with extra bike tires around his waist for transport. We see something new and slightly nutty everyday.
4. Cambodians - Our experience is that Cambodians are kind and welcoming people. To think an entire generation was almost wiped out with the Pol Pot regime is unfathomable, yet here we live among the surviving and the generation to follow. What the country endured is beyond belief and if you ever have the chance to visit me, the Killing Fields and Prison are must sees to have an understanding of what fellow humanity has suffered.
5.Our Church - We are attending an Anglican church, which is quite different than either of our traditional expressions of faith in Christ. We love it. We enjoy the reflective liturgy, sung and spoken, the use of Scripture throughout the service, the deep and meaningful prayer times all weaved with well chosen contemporary and traditional hymns. The Priest is well spoken, challenging and the congregation full of young families. There are so many babies to get my baby fix!
6.Opportunities to Travel - It's simply more affordable to travel throughout Asia than from Canada. Although we were blessed with experiencing much of Asia in 2005-2008, there are some countries we haven't explored. There are 21 statutory holidays in Cambodia that Greg's NGO recognizes, not to mention 3 weeks of vacation. May offered two long weekends! We recently enjoyed a trip to Thailand and although we've visited before, it was fun to remember and see what has changed. The amazing pop up restaurants on the streets are all but gone, which is very sad. The roads and big shopping malls seem to have only improved and apparently the Thai have a taste for Western fattening food because there was a shocking amount of overweight Thai people, which was a big change.
7. Challenging - It's good be challenged and live outside of what's easy and comfortable. Greg is challenged by the Khmer (pronounced Kuh-my) language course he is taking. He works a full day, drives in the bucketing rain on his moto to the University for language class and comes home to study all night. It's a good challenge, a necessary challenge and he is committed to going deep into the language. Once I've become totally settled, I will take a more basic course that focuses on more conversational language rather than the reading and writing Greg is studying. I've had a flat tire driving home and learning how to handle that without speaking Khmer was challenging but entertaining. My tire was literally changed on the side of the road in 3 minutes. No wheel balancing needed for these roads!
8. Less Stressful - I truly find life less stressful here. It's hard to explain but we live a much slower pace of life. I suppose becoming empty nesters contributes to being less busy although we are so thankful that our kids involve us in their daily lives. Nothing makes me happier than a middle of the night phone call to help them solve a 911. Having a house helper three times a week takes the stress of house chores and not owning a house, less responsibility. Life is more affordable here. Our money goes further for "fun" things, like weekly foot massages, eating out and $2.75 movie tickets. (the latest movies too!)
9. City Life - It took me a long while to adjust to life in Niagara after living in Toronto for 7 years. I've come to realize that both Greg and I really enjoy city living. Our kids have also come to love big city living.
10. Dependence on God - Living in a new culture means that many things we take for granted at home,such as where to buy sour cream, aren't obvious. Even though life seems more simple here, it's far more complicated in many ways. We've had a huge learning curve in order to have our basic needs met.(I know, I know...sour cream is not a basic need. :) When you need to pray about basic needs, your need for God heightens. It's our faith that gets through some of those challenges and we've seen God pull through again and again, just as His word promises - He is faithful.
I did it! Ten things I like about Phnom Penh. To be honest, there a few things that drive me mad about living here too, but we'll save those for another rainy day.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
The Heat is On
Someone turned the heat up in Phnom Penh today. We understand that the weather has been unusually mild for April, in the mid 30's, but today it feels dreadful outside. When you walk outside, it feels like someone has a hot hair dryer on you, full blast. It's back to sweaty backs and legs weather. We just have to abandon the North American attitude towards sweat and deal with it. I don't sweat, I *glisten*.
This weekend is Khmer New Year and the streets feel eerily quiet out there. Greg thinks the roads are more dangerous than usual because no one is obeying the street lights with the light traffic. When I went to the grocery store today, it kind of felt like Christmas at home as I couldn't find a parking spot and the store was packed.I had my purchases all ready to go on the counter and a lady just walks in front of me and hands her groceries to the cashier, bypassing the line. Grrr. She knew what she was doing was rude because she said sorry to me, in English.
Greg had a trip to the village last month to evaluate one of the projects. Ratanak is focussed on preventing exploitation, protecting the vulnerable,helping the trafficked return home and seeing the survivors restored. The project he visited was part of the prevention piece, an education project in the village. Community leaders are taught, via flip charts, to recognize risks in their community and how to avoid and report suspected crimes. The leaders, called "heros", then teach the other members of the community. He was away for two nights with his colleague and enjoyed experiencing village life, although his eel dinner made him happy to come home to my cooking!
Village heros learning how to prevent exploitation within their communities.
Boiled eel for dinner, freshly caught in the family's pond.
I managed two nights on my own in our big ol house, which wouldn't have frightened me except for the many recent robberies in our neighbourhood. Thieves climb the gates and saw through the window bars to enter homes and steal electronics and cash. There was a lot of prayer happening those two nights!
I had a weekend away with my friends in the heart of the city, celebrating my friend's 40th birthday. (she's a just a baby!)It was great fun to explore touristy parts of the city and feel like I was traveling somewhere exotic. It was shocking to see the cost of products marketed towards the tourist. The clothing prices were more expensive than home and in USD. We lounged around the hotel pool, ate our meals out discovering a great Mexican restaurant, enjoyed aromatherapy massages, binge watched "This is Us" and experienced high tea at an upscale hotel that overlooked the city and the stinky canal. :)
I had a driving incident not too long ago that was apparently more serious than I realized. Talking with experienced foreigners here is always eye opening. I was driving on a busy night, turning left. The driver of a large truck was also turning left onto the road I was on. At home, I would have the right of way. There is no such thing as right of way here. It's a free for all. Admittedly, I was showing off to my visiting passenger, and I wouldn't let the big truck go, blocking him. Well, he literally shoved me off the road into the ditch and I made the huge mistake of flinging my hands up in irritation at him, only to see that the truck was a large, fancy, police vehicle. My heart sank. My friend didn't think I could get out of the ditch, but somehow I managed. When I relayed the story to numerous friends who have lived here a long time, I was told I was lucky I wasn't shot. I laughed at that, not believing it could be a possibility, but apparently, God was protecting me that day. Lesson learned. NEVER make a local lose face, and that rule is even more important when dealing with those in authority. I am grateful to have learned the lesson by getting off easy.
On top of two statutory holidays, Greg took the rest of the week off and we are flying out to Thailand on Friday. It is their New Year as well and they celebrate with huge water fights in the streets. That should be an experience! We will spend a few days in Bangkok, where there is an IKEA...yay...civilization! Some people go to Thailand for pad thai and the beaches. I am going for steak at the Sizzler and IKEA. But seriously, we are off to the beach as well. We will take a bus to Hua Hin and then taxi to Dolphin Bay and enjoy some down time there. When we return, there are only 7 weeks of teaching lessons for me and then it's fly home time! Everyday I am closer to hanging out with T and J for 6 weeks. From there, we will figure out when they can come next and see Greg as well.
I sure hope it cools down by the time I come back home to Phnom Penh! :)
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Mysteries
Just when we think we've got this place almost figured out, we are reminded that we don't! It makes me feel better that my friend who has lived here for seven years still can't quite figure out how her washing machine works. My other friend shared with me that everytime she returns home from driving any distance, she is amazed she didn't kill someone on the road.
Cell phone service is not even close to the cost in Canada, so I am NOT complaining, but I don't quite understand how it works and anyone I've asked to explain it to me seems to be in the same boat. We purchase time from a booth at the side of road, type it into our phone and boom, we have both phone service and data. It's unclear to me how much of that money goes to data and how much goes to phone service because according to my cell app I have over $100 left of data but my phone service ran out last month. The other mystery is I've never paid $100 towards service on my phone as we usually purchase about $5 a month. As long as my phone keeps working, I'll happily purchase the nine digit number from the side of the road.
Everyone in our borey pays the security guards at a $20 service fee. There is one family who have never been asked for it and they've lived here for years. It's not like there is an invoice that comes to your mailbox, but rather a guard will run you down and ask you for that money. There have been so many robberies in our borey as of late, that some people are refusing to pay the fee as someone is clearly sleeping on the job. Our neighbour who moved here a few months before us had never been asked for the fee, but then was chased down a few months ago and was forced to pay up. We haven't been asked to pay yet. We drive through the guarded gate everyday on both moto and car and I always wonder if today will be the day. Our friends can't figure it out and wonder if our landlord is paying the fee. It remains a mystery!
Our house helper Chenine comes every Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoon and I am very thankful for the help. Our home is three floors but we never venture to the third floor. It has two bedrooms and two bathrooms up there and it has housed overnight guests three times. (if we count our kids as guests) She arrives at 12 and is supposed to work until 4, but she is generally just starting to clean the first floor - the area we live in and that is dirtiest - by 5pm. I simply don't understand what she could be doing on the 3rd floor for so long. There is nothing to clean as no one is using that space. One of these days, I will garner up enough courage to walk up there and see what she's doing.
The other day when I was filling out a deposit slip at the bank and figuring out how the system worked, I was reminded that the adventure of life here lies in figuring out how to live in another part of the world. The fun is in not knowing how basic things work and learning to cope and fit in that world. Just when it seemed I got the bank process worked out, my kids phoned me with the news that the bank machine system in Ontario has gone paperless. When I return, I will not have put my deposit, cash or cheque, into an envelope or type in the amounts I am depositing...it's all automatic! It seems more mystery awaits when I return home for a visit in June.
Cell phone service is not even close to the cost in Canada, so I am NOT complaining, but I don't quite understand how it works and anyone I've asked to explain it to me seems to be in the same boat. We purchase time from a booth at the side of road, type it into our phone and boom, we have both phone service and data. It's unclear to me how much of that money goes to data and how much goes to phone service because according to my cell app I have over $100 left of data but my phone service ran out last month. The other mystery is I've never paid $100 towards service on my phone as we usually purchase about $5 a month. As long as my phone keeps working, I'll happily purchase the nine digit number from the side of the road.
Everyone in our borey pays the security guards at a $20 service fee. There is one family who have never been asked for it and they've lived here for years. It's not like there is an invoice that comes to your mailbox, but rather a guard will run you down and ask you for that money. There have been so many robberies in our borey as of late, that some people are refusing to pay the fee as someone is clearly sleeping on the job. Our neighbour who moved here a few months before us had never been asked for the fee, but then was chased down a few months ago and was forced to pay up. We haven't been asked to pay yet. We drive through the guarded gate everyday on both moto and car and I always wonder if today will be the day. Our friends can't figure it out and wonder if our landlord is paying the fee. It remains a mystery!
Our house helper Chenine comes every Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoon and I am very thankful for the help. Our home is three floors but we never venture to the third floor. It has two bedrooms and two bathrooms up there and it has housed overnight guests three times. (if we count our kids as guests) She arrives at 12 and is supposed to work until 4, but she is generally just starting to clean the first floor - the area we live in and that is dirtiest - by 5pm. I simply don't understand what she could be doing on the 3rd floor for so long. There is nothing to clean as no one is using that space. One of these days, I will garner up enough courage to walk up there and see what she's doing.
The other day when I was filling out a deposit slip at the bank and figuring out how the system worked, I was reminded that the adventure of life here lies in figuring out how to live in another part of the world. The fun is in not knowing how basic things work and learning to cope and fit in that world. Just when it seemed I got the bank process worked out, my kids phoned me with the news that the bank machine system in Ontario has gone paperless. When I return, I will not have put my deposit, cash or cheque, into an envelope or type in the amounts I am depositing...it's all automatic! It seems more mystery awaits when I return home for a visit in June.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Four Months
We have officially been "in" for four months. It sounds like a prison sentence, doesn't it? To be brutally honest, sometimes it feels like one too. However, we have left the "shattered" stage of culture shock and we are reentering our host country through more realistic spectacles than during our honeymoon period.
Reentering means discovering things all over again after losing our bearings for a while. Our routine has certainly helped us in leaving the distress of adjusting here in the past. Greg's routine is to rise at 7am, get ready for work, have breakfast and off he goes on his moto to work. He isn't a huge fan of the moto and feels rather unsafe on it, but we all know it's better him than me. He was riding around with a mere bike helmet on but once he realized even the locals were laughing at his expense, he spent the whole $20 for a real helmet. Well, real for Cambodian. He splurged for a helmet imported from Thailand, which we can only hope is a little better quality for his noggin.
Greg is on active surveillance for his prostate cancer diagnosis. He was finally able to meet with the Thai urologist at the best hospital here and have his PSA testing and physical exam. His PSA was down 3 points, which is either a result of cutting sugar entirely out of his diet or a different system of calculating the reading. He will have this test every three months and will have another biopsy in June to be sure the cancer isn't growing.
He continues to be enjoy learning the role of M&E and is looking forward to a trip out of Phnom Penh soon to meet with a project. The projects that Ratanak is involved with are diverse and can be read about here. If you are interested in supporting justice work abroad, Ratanak is long established in Cambodia, well respected in the NGO world and is involved in world changing justice mission. His trip out of town means I'll be sleeping in this big ol' villa by myself, which I'm not too thrilled about. There have been a few robberies in our borey as of late, which makes me nervous.
Living here means daily life is filled with the unexpected. The unexpected continually entertains me, which helps in adjusting to our change in life. Today an entire herd of cattle was coming at me, head on, while driving in the city. Some traffic lights are to be followed, others not. Drivers get mad and drive around you at some red lights. However, Greg was stopped by the police for going through a red at a broken traffic light. He was following the car directly ahead of him and he wasn't stopped but Greg was. Well, you make a decision. You go down to the police station, go through the paper work, try and explain the traffic light wasn't working, pay a potential fine, or you pay the police officer $5 to make your troubles go away. Some people say if foreigners would stop paying the officers off, the traffic targeting of foreigners would decrease. Others accept this is how it works. What would you do?
Life with my house helper is incredibly entertaining. Some people have house helpers who speak English, have some education and are literate, but I don't. My helper, Chenine is older, a survivor of the Khmer Rouge and very poor. She lives in a slum and I was introduced to her by a wonderful Cambodian man who helps Chenine out. If you've seen the new Gilmore Girl's series on Netflix, Chenine and I are a bit like Lorelia's mother and her house helper. I carry on in English thinking she will understand something and Chenine talks a mile a minute in Khmer and I don't get a word. Not a single word. Over Christmas, I forgot to tell her we were going away. When we returned, she carried on with great animation about something that had happened. So, I phoned our mutual friend for translation, and apparently, the water from our pipes was red. She thought we had been murdered and the water was pouring red with our blood. At first, I couldn't believe she could be so naive to think such a thing, and then I remembered that she has witnessed unfathomable sights that she will probably never share with me. She lived through the years of genocide where a good majority of her population was wiped out.
Today she asked me, via a game of charades, to teach her how to do the laundry. I am a bit protective of my laundry and don't want my clothes ruined by someone who has never used a washing machine. I felt an inner rebuke that could only come from the Spirit of God, questioning how I could come all this way, live with a new people and not be willing to teach a new skill to someone who wants to learn. She was amazed by the process, examining the machine. She felt so valued bringing down my dirty laundry and learning to sort it. God forgive me for my pride and selfishness. I usually just leave the clothes in sorted piles outside on the patio tiles because the area is covered overhead. But, she put the sorted piles in plastic bags. Smart one, my Chenine.
So, we continue to be humbled and to learn from our host country. Greg begins language training very soon. I likely won't learn the language as in depth as he will, but rather take a survival course. He studies the language every night with an on line program and has been interviewing private tutors to help him.
We have booked some upcoming trips. We are planning to head out to Chiang Mai, Thailand for a week during the Khmer New Year holiday. We have been there before and really enjoyed our time, but we will miss not having T and J with us. I booked my trip home to Ontario and arrive on June 14 and stay until July 31st. So, we're four months in and it's four months until I'm out for a home visit!
Reentering means discovering things all over again after losing our bearings for a while. Our routine has certainly helped us in leaving the distress of adjusting here in the past. Greg's routine is to rise at 7am, get ready for work, have breakfast and off he goes on his moto to work. He isn't a huge fan of the moto and feels rather unsafe on it, but we all know it's better him than me. He was riding around with a mere bike helmet on but once he realized even the locals were laughing at his expense, he spent the whole $20 for a real helmet. Well, real for Cambodian. He splurged for a helmet imported from Thailand, which we can only hope is a little better quality for his noggin.
Greg is on active surveillance for his prostate cancer diagnosis. He was finally able to meet with the Thai urologist at the best hospital here and have his PSA testing and physical exam. His PSA was down 3 points, which is either a result of cutting sugar entirely out of his diet or a different system of calculating the reading. He will have this test every three months and will have another biopsy in June to be sure the cancer isn't growing.
He continues to be enjoy learning the role of M&E and is looking forward to a trip out of Phnom Penh soon to meet with a project. The projects that Ratanak is involved with are diverse and can be read about here. If you are interested in supporting justice work abroad, Ratanak is long established in Cambodia, well respected in the NGO world and is involved in world changing justice mission. His trip out of town means I'll be sleeping in this big ol' villa by myself, which I'm not too thrilled about. There have been a few robberies in our borey as of late, which makes me nervous.
Living here means daily life is filled with the unexpected. The unexpected continually entertains me, which helps in adjusting to our change in life. Today an entire herd of cattle was coming at me, head on, while driving in the city. Some traffic lights are to be followed, others not. Drivers get mad and drive around you at some red lights. However, Greg was stopped by the police for going through a red at a broken traffic light. He was following the car directly ahead of him and he wasn't stopped but Greg was. Well, you make a decision. You go down to the police station, go through the paper work, try and explain the traffic light wasn't working, pay a potential fine, or you pay the police officer $5 to make your troubles go away. Some people say if foreigners would stop paying the officers off, the traffic targeting of foreigners would decrease. Others accept this is how it works. What would you do?
Life with my house helper is incredibly entertaining. Some people have house helpers who speak English, have some education and are literate, but I don't. My helper, Chenine is older, a survivor of the Khmer Rouge and very poor. She lives in a slum and I was introduced to her by a wonderful Cambodian man who helps Chenine out. If you've seen the new Gilmore Girl's series on Netflix, Chenine and I are a bit like Lorelia's mother and her house helper. I carry on in English thinking she will understand something and Chenine talks a mile a minute in Khmer and I don't get a word. Not a single word. Over Christmas, I forgot to tell her we were going away. When we returned, she carried on with great animation about something that had happened. So, I phoned our mutual friend for translation, and apparently, the water from our pipes was red. She thought we had been murdered and the water was pouring red with our blood. At first, I couldn't believe she could be so naive to think such a thing, and then I remembered that she has witnessed unfathomable sights that she will probably never share with me. She lived through the years of genocide where a good majority of her population was wiped out.
Today she asked me, via a game of charades, to teach her how to do the laundry. I am a bit protective of my laundry and don't want my clothes ruined by someone who has never used a washing machine. I felt an inner rebuke that could only come from the Spirit of God, questioning how I could come all this way, live with a new people and not be willing to teach a new skill to someone who wants to learn. She was amazed by the process, examining the machine. She felt so valued bringing down my dirty laundry and learning to sort it. God forgive me for my pride and selfishness. I usually just leave the clothes in sorted piles outside on the patio tiles because the area is covered overhead. But, she put the sorted piles in plastic bags. Smart one, my Chenine.
So, we continue to be humbled and to learn from our host country. Greg begins language training very soon. I likely won't learn the language as in depth as he will, but rather take a survival course. He studies the language every night with an on line program and has been interviewing private tutors to help him.
We have booked some upcoming trips. We are planning to head out to Chiang Mai, Thailand for a week during the Khmer New Year holiday. We have been there before and really enjoyed our time, but we will miss not having T and J with us. I booked my trip home to Ontario and arrive on June 14 and stay until July 31st. So, we're four months in and it's four months until I'm out for a home visit!
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Oh the places we go...
You're off to great places,
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So...get on your way!
-Dr. Seuss
Believe it or not, I can take or leave international travel. I am not a person who lives to see every corner of the world, but I do appreciate the incredible opportunity that God has given me and I am grateful for our travel opportunities. Greg, on the other hand, has lived life dreaming for this time. Every once in awhile I remark, "Can you believe you are finally living your dream?"
November brought an opportunity to meet up with a former choir student of mine in Siem Reap. He teaches high school in Korea and had American Thanksgiving off. Greg and I flew to Siem Reap and we were in the air a mere 30 minutes. Even though we were only a 30 minute plane ride away, Siem Reap felt like a different country. The travel vibe reminded me a bit of Nepal. It was great to connect with Calvin and to explore the many temples in the area, the most famous being Angkor Wat. As we walked around, I kept saying, "Wow - it's like we're walking through ancient ruins" and Calvin reminded me that's exactly what we were doing.
We appreciated the wonder of these man made temples and the incredible carving but I was relieved that I know the one true God and not stone statues.
December brought travelers to us! T and J finished their exams on December 16 and were with us by Dec 20. The anticipation leading up to see them simply walk through the airport doors was like nothing I have ever experienced. The minute I saw their faces, my heart burst with joy and relief and I ran to them crying. J pretended he couldn't see us in the crowd...not funny.
Our days and nights have been action packed. With the kids coming to us, our time was completely designated as family time and it was nice not to have to share the time with other obligations. We conquered the Phnom Penh tourist sites which we had been saving to see with them - the National Monument, the Royal Palace and Temple, the Killing Fields and the Genocide Museum. The Killing Fields and Genocide Museum are truly devastating and were avenues to discussion about the disturbing history of Cambodia, the social effects of that history and the opportunities Greg has to address those issues in his work. The horrors of learning the truths of what occurred only increased our love for the surviving generation and the new generation of the Khmer people.
On our way to the Killing Fields, which is outside of Phnom Penh in a relatively remote location, our tuk tuk broke down! In the end, Greg and the kids pushed the tuk tuk until a kind moto driver pushed us. It was hilarious.
Greg's cousin and her husband visited Cambodia the week before Christmas with a team from their church in Singapore. We were able to meet up with them twice that week and it was great to share our lives with them.
On Christmas morning, our usual traditions took place only in a much warmer climate. Later, we attended church together before enjoying Christmas dinner with some friends. The next day, we packed up and embarked on some more travel to Otres Beach, on the Gulf of Thailand.
Greg drove to Otres Beach, following our friend. He describes it as a huge game of chicken with the passing that occurs without much attention given to lanes. It was a bit stressful but we made it! On our way, I realized that I had forgotten to pack my three bathing suits and beach covers. This was a predicament because Asian sizing is small for average sized Westerners, nevermind this body! Unbelievably, I found a bathing suit that fit in the only hut selling suits along the beach.
The beach was lovely and reminiscent of previous beach trips to Thailand. For T's birthday, we rented a private boat to tour three island locations where we snorkeled, swam, fished with line wrapped over a water bottle, had a bbque on the boat but passed on the cliff diving. Other highlights were the glorious sunsets, massages and delicious fruit on the beach.
We saw the kids off today and I thought I was prepared for goodbye. I had offered to fly back with them and stay for a while in January, but neither of them wanted me to because they are so busy with school and life in Toronto. Saying goodbye, I felt like my heart was being ripped out and I could barely choke words out. But, I know that goodbye is only temporary and that we would probably not have had such intensely devoted time together if we were simply living life together. They are thriving in Toronto, love living together and have family close by if they need anything. The painful goodbyes will be healed with intensely joyous hellos in the future. God assured me He would provide for them if we followed Him to Cambodia and He keeps His promises!
It's New Year's Eve and there is a huge party right outside our gate, complete with tables and chairs set up, live music on a stage, loudspeakers and dancing. Happy New Year!
This traveler who can take or leave the trips plans to cross Laos off the list in April for the Khmer New Year holiday. We are deciding dates for a summer home visit and if Greg will come this year.
Monday, November 28, 2016
Culture Shock Musings
Like living through the stages of grief, it's almost impossible to avoid experiencing the stages of cross cultural adaptation. An ability and willingness to identify each stage is an important part of healthy adaptation or so I'm told. I remember our children having to construct bridges made of popsicle sticks that identified each stage in our cultural training pre-Bangladesh.
The Honeymoon
Who wouldn't love a honeymoon? Everything is great. Isn't the food delicious, the cost of living unbelievable, the available products mind blowing, the taste of coffee better, the hot weather like an endless summer, the people fantastic? Noticing the differences between Cambodia and Bangladesh was downright euphoric! Adapting here was going to be easy compared to what we experienced adapting to Dhaka! Honeymoons aren't meant to last forever however, and I think ours might be over.
Distress
The differences that were exciting and new are now beginning to create a more negative impact. I would identify us as in distress at the moment, but Greg doesn't feel it in the same light as I do. I've wanted to hop on a plane and go home a few times in the last month. I miss my kids. Skype everyday simply doesn't replace a physical presence. The reality that I'll only see them a few times a year grieves my heart. I feel guilt in not being physically present for Tia's medical school years and Jahred's University years.
Adjusting to the heat can't help but make us cranky and it's the cool season! Some days are fine at 32 degrees with a nice breeze, but other days are terribly humid. Realizing these temperature are the cool season is enough to make me lose my mind. The tiffs we have because we can't hear each other over the humming of the ceiling fans is ridiculousness.
Being unable to communicate properly in the "outside" world is becoming frustrating. It's tiring to have to work so hard simply to have some music photocopied for a student. It annoys me that we paid to have custom furniture made and it's not exactly "right". We will begin language classes in the near future which will help alleviate some of the communication stress but for now, it's making me a little crazy.
Buying a SUV provided us freedom to go where we want, when we want, but the stress of driving in this mayhem has affected us both. Greg was very curt in tone on his first drive because it is stressful. He was not responding as he normally would but rather out of distress. I had to talk myself to getting into the vehicle for my first drive to work. It's not easy. The intersections make zero sense, people don't follow rules and I have to drive through mud and rocks to get to work. DISTRESS I tell you!
Reintegration
This is a difficult stage and one that can linger. I am not looking forward to experiencing these feelings. It's a time of rejecting the host culture and viewing it as inferior. It's a time of comparing the host culture to home and the host culture always loses. The new coffee I once loved now leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. The lok lak curry I adored now makes me want to gag. It's a time of questioning the original decision to move abroad and there are generally feelings of anger hostility regarding life. All of these feelings are normal and a healthy stage in adjusting to a new life. To avoid admitting the phase and its ramifications or to gloss over it to rise above only lengthens the duration of the reintegration.
Emergence
This is the first step in acceptance of life in a new culture. The fog lifts and you are able to appreciate the differences from home without glamorizing them from the honeymoon period or rejecting them like in reintegration. It's a time of feeling like yourself again and knowing your place within the community.
Independence
You feel at home. You understand who you are in light of home and your host culture. You see everything in a new light, but a more realistic light. Finally, life feels in balance again.
Interestingly, one can struggle through a stage seemingly to the next one, only to slip back. I remember slipping back into the reintegration stage towards the end of our stay in Dhaka, not ever truly embracing independence.
A few factors have helped make our culture shock less abrasive. The first is experience. We have done this. Greg has done this twice. (he lived in Pakistan for a year while we were dating) We also had stellar cross cultural training and debriefing with our Bangladesh experience that also prepared us for Cambodia.
Secondly, Cambodia is just easier than Bangladesh. Dhaka often finds itself at the top of the world's least livable city lists and there's a reason for that. Daily life is much easier than anything we experienced in Dhaka.
Technology has a great impact on our experience here. Skype had just started towards the end of our time in Bangladesh and was unreliable at best. I literally Facebook messaged with Jahred as he Christmas shopped at the Eaton Center whilst climbing the stairs at Bayon Temple in Siem Reap. Unbelievable! I would be very interested to know the impact of the ease of communication with home on adjusting to life overseas. I'm sure there are studies on it.
We arrived in Cambodia knowing three people well. It was amazing to begin life in a foreign country with two friends around the corner and another friend just a tuk tuk drive away.
Lastly, our thought out decisions based on past experience is making life more enjoyable for us. The big change is that we only hired one house helper, 3 afternoons a week. Obviously our situation was different in Dhaka in that we had the children with us and I was working far more hours. I grieved the loss of my kitchen in Dhaka and I have made it very clear that I am the boss of my kitchen. Greg and I do our own grocery shopping and I am enjoying cooking here. The other non-negotiable was that I wanted to have complete control over the laundry although as I type I realize that may have been a mistake. I literally just remembered I had laundry drying on the upstairs balcony and I went to bring it in only to discover it had blown Greg's shirts onto the neighbor's roof and down the bushes. Greg is currently outside trying to rescue them and he is not impressed! DISTRESS! Everyone has things that cause annoyance to their lives but the annoyance is heightened for us due to the very real stress of culture shock.
According to the classic stages, we've got some tough days coming but our children arrive in 23 sleeps and that's something to look forward to!
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