Friday, August 31, 2018

Dawne almost Cracks

It has been a month since Greg and I returned to Phnom Penh after a visit on home soil. I enjoyed Ontario for 2 1/2 months and Greg for three whirlwind weeks. We are SO grateful to the amazing family and friends in our lives who provided accommodation, a car to drive, a wedding site, a wedding photobooth, music, painted signs, decorating services, a venue for wedding guests and the bridal party, lunch for the bridal party, meals out, rides to and from the airport and the list goes on and on. Every single person who contributed to helping us with the wedding this summer contributed to the work Greg does in Cambodia because without this support, we couldn't live here. Thank you.


The bride got the wedding her heart has been set on since high school. T has always envisioned a backyard type wedding and with the help of friends with a massive property, we were able to provide that for her. She always dreamed of an Indian fusion wedding so it was very convenient that God led her to marry  a Tamil Indian. Her wedding was everything she envisioned - sari fusion dresses, henna, bangles and Bollywood dancing. Thank you to those who attended and didn't complain about it being outside without air conditioning and who enjoyed it for what is was - T's dream.





 Greg and I left just days after the wedding, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea. Preparation and clean up of the wedding took most of our time in Canada, which we were thrilled to
do, but left little time to debrief the entire experience. Our flight back was quite uneventful, which is always a good thing. We apprehensively flew China Southern Airlines for the first time and we were very pleased with the size of the seats. 

Upon arrival in Phnom Penh, after our showers, we immediately set out to replace my SIM card, which had been lost in Canada. Greg was parked out in front of a booth close to our house and a truck carrying gallon buckets of cream coloured paint bumped by, spilling two large buckets of paint all over our car. The drivers got out and Greg asked them to try and clean it up. As Greg stood by, a crowd of on lookers gathered to watch the action. They got most of the paint off, but we've had to do some fingernail scraping. Our poor car in in rough condition these days. (We've had three accidents with motos, all damaging the exact same spot on the driver's door.)

The next surprise was the damage termites had done to our cupboards. Greg had realized the problem before he left and had arranged for extermination but for some reason, it had not been taken care of while we were gone. Termites had eaten through all my boxes of tea, labels on my bottles and through the wood. Worse, the exterminators had left bait and traps and I was not allowed to clean up the mess because it would scare the bugs off. So, I had to live with massive amounts of termites in my kitchen, while I was preparing food. 

A large, grand, high end mall has recently opened close to our house. It makes life a bit easier as we can escape to a massive air conditioned space, park easily and enjoy coffee shops, restaurants a book store etc. It is quite convenient that a very Western looking oil/lube shop is at the mall. Instead of battling the literally insane intersection to get to our trusted mechanic, we decided it would be easier for me to get the oil change at the mall. My car has never been the same. I am not sure what they did to it, but the engine light was on after the oil change. I asked them to hook it up to find out why and 3 hours later, I drove the car home as it sputtered all the way there. Greg took it back the next day, but they clearly could not deal with it, so he brought it our trusted mechanic, at the insane 5 direction intersection. Greg and the owner of the garage drove it around and the car would NOT act up. The mechanic thought the car was in fine condition. I can guarantee you that I am going to have to battle said insane intersection to fix our struggling CRV.

Despite a build up of this craziness, I confidently declared my complete contentment living in Phnom Penh. No sooner were those words out of my mouth and things seemed to sprial downhill. It takes a lot to break me. Major surgery two weeks into living here didn't break me, but I lost it this week.

Enjoying a lovely morning with two of my Aussie friends, I either left my wallet, which I had just filled with copious cash to shop, on the grocery cash register belt or it fell out of my hands while I was loading my groceries. Regardless of how it happened, the wallet is gone. Thankfully, I have learned to keep my Canadian cards and ID in the safe. Shockingly, and stupidly, I had my Cambodian PIN on a piece of paper in my wallet with my bank card, conveniently labeled Cambodian PIN number. (I have since learned another way to keep my PIN safely with me) My heart sank when I realized my wallet was gone. Panic set in but I was able to convince myself it was just money and Greg and I could sort the rest of it out. Greg was able to get away and help me cancel my card at the bank, where somehow we were convinced to get a new VISA card through them. Our replacement cards will take 10 business days! It was very annoying to remember our son getting a replacement card on the spot when he lost his card this summer in Toronto. I was still smiling, happy that our account had not been compromised despite my foolishness in carrying around the PIN number in my wallet.

Next, I went to inquire about replacing my Cambodian driver's license. I thought it would be easy because there is a new licensing department at the fancy, new mall. How easy. Not so. Even though all of my information was in the computer and there is a record of my license number, they require a trip to the police station for me to fill out a form that my wallet was taken. Rumour has it, this will be a difficult process. There was something about the gentlemen serving me that put me over the edge. The entire experience was very unsettling for me emotionally and I cracked. I truly felt I couldn't handle another minute in Cambodia. I don't know why this one experience pushed me over the edge, but it did. My license situation still isn't resolved and will likely require help from a Cambodian friend. 

That night, I cried myself to sleep for the first time in Cambodia. I posted on Facebook that it felt too difficult to live here, needing the prayers and support of my friends and family. I received that support from all over the world and I am so grateful because it lifted me out of the dark place I went. Family and friends wrote me wonderful words of encouragement and I felt the love and support I needed to find hope.

The next morning, two friends visited me, both providing the exact words I needed, having been there themselves in the past. They listened, showed genuine disbelief in my crazy circumstances, and helped me understand that Satan would like nothing better than for Greg to have to leave Cambodia because  of an unstable wife. That same morning, the exterminators arrived, drilling holes through our floor tiles, literally less than 2 feet apart. The noise was unbelievable. There were men standing all over my counter with bare feet, putting termite bait on the top of our cupboards. By the grace of God, I took it all in stride. My heart was healed enough that I didn't even lose it last night when they drilled through the water pipe under the tiles, causing a leak on our main floor. In order to repair that damage, they had to take the entire tile out and there is only ground under the tiles. There isn't a nice sub floor or concrete. Nope, currently I am living with dirt inside of my living room. 

It is good to remember why we need the Lord! Life was feeling a bit too comfortable with the fancy mall, affordable massages, eating out and upcoming travel plans. It is also good to remember the things we love about Cambodia, which are many. We enjoyed a wonderful night out tonight with Greg's Ratanak colleagues. That wonderful night had us eating cow brains and baby duck eggs, but that's the adventure of Cambodia.





We are looking forward to a holiday in October for some rest and relaxation after our busy time in Canada. We will be traveling to Malaysia, arriving in KL and driving to the Cameron Highlands. We will enjoy tea plantations, strawberry fields, devonshire teas and hiking before a few days of shopping in KL. 

I truly thought we were totally settled in Cambodia, but the last month has proven to be worse culture shock for me than our initial arrival in Phnom Penh. Culture adaptation is an interesting thing. Thankfully, I was entertained every time I drove the car today. Instead of feeling annoyed, I was truly humoured by the foreign things that continue to amaze us out on the streets. But really, it is God's leading of Greg to work at Ratanak that keeps us here and engaged in Cambodian life. Hopefully that will remain forefront in my heart and mind when the next disaster strikes. 







Saturday, June 9, 2018

On Home Soil

I have started a new post many times since my last, only to delete it because it wasn't expressing my heart perfectly. If I continue to be unsatisfied with my posts,I will never capture my present to remember and learn from. 

The greatest blessing this school year has been the many visitors to our home in Phnom Penh. The visitor rainfall began with our kids and my parents at Christmas, with my parents staying on about a month longer than the kids. Oh the adventures we had!  Making memories in Phnom Penh with our family makes Cambodia feel more like a home and less like a temporary shelter for an undetermined time frame. In March we enjoyed other visitors from Canada - two former students of mine (with 1 new husband in tow) and friends who were once Greg's employers. One of these days, I'll sit down and record some of the adventures we experienced with them.

In many ways, it was a year of real settlement for us as life became settled and "normal". We enjoy our places of employment, we LOVE our church (Anglican!) and have we have rich friendships. I felt so settled that there was an inner struggle regarding coming home for the summer. Of course I couldn't wait to get home to my children and family, but I was leaving some precious people too. I had to say some forever goodbyes as people move on from Cambodia. Greg and I are apart about 6 weeks this summer and I miss him! I miss my friends. The flip side to that is the sheer joy and excitement of seeing my family and friends in Ontario. We are busy planning a wedding for our daughter T, and I am LOVING every minute of it. The dichotomy of happy/sad continues to be a battle in my heart and mind that has to rest at a happy place of being in order to fully feel at peace with this life.

I confess that I have been guilty of mocking of seemingly normal Westerners who have feigned culture shock upon return to Canada after being abroad for a time. I questioned how any true Canadian could not simply just settle back into life here. Suck it up! I've questioned if reverse culture shock is truly a thing. As I experience reverse culture shock, I am certain it is truly a thing!

The main things I have noticed require adjusting are - 

1. Handling of money - In Cambodia, money is passed either with two hands on the bill, or one hand passing the bill, while the other hand crosses and rests on the arm handling the money. This is respect for the money handling process. I truly look like a weirdo handling my money like this in Canada. I have to catch myself and remind myself of where I am. It may seem like a little thing, but it makes me feel out of place in my own country. 

2. Money confusion - In Cambodia, we use both American cash and Cambodian Riel, generally for less than $1. I did not change all of my American money to Canadian dollars and I continue to take out American money to pay. I don't even notice my actions until the sales person quotes me the exchange rate. I need to take all money but my Canadian currency  out of my wallet so this aging brain of mine can adjust.

3. Driving - I remember the adjustment to driving in Canada being an issue last year and it certainly is again. I am SO grateful to my in laws for providing us with wheels this summer. Renting for 2 months is quite costly and this support is greatly appreciated. I think the main adjustment is trusting that people stop at lights and stop signs. In Phnom Penh, someone is always coming at you and driving right into you, so it requires slowing down at all intersections. I've found that slowing down at every green light is not appreciated in Toronto. :)

The other adjustment is judging when to turn into traffic. In Phnom Penh, you cut people off all the time. That's how it's done. It's a giant game of chicken. Who has the bigger car to make it through the intersection first? Who is the most brave? I need to allow far more space when I am turning into an intersection and stop cutting people off, or so the middle fingers have told me. 

The speed of traffic in Ontario makes my heart race. I seldom drive over 45km in Cambodia. The fast moving traffic on the highways takes some getting used to. I need to remember the sheer fear of driving in PP for the first time and acknowledge that I've had so many more years experience of driving in Canada.

4. Politeness - Oh Canada - you are lovely. Cambodians are lovely, smiley people too but Canadians are so helpful. I have been overwhelmed at how polite our culture is. Yesterday, J and I were at an indoor shopping space in the financial district, looking at a directory. A smart looking, well dressed man stopped to ask us if he could help us find what we were looking for as he walks through the center everyday and knows it well. Buses that we have almost missed (I hate driving downtown TO) stop when they see us running. People say have a nice day after every encounter. 

5. Jet lag - The reality of an 11 time difference and recovering from a 24 hour trip is exhausting! My home base is my parent's place, which I am SO grateful for. But, despite that gratefulness and comfort, I have let fatigue and irritability get the better of me more than once. Thankfully, my parents and kids love me unconditionally. Today marks a week in, so I am hopeful I will start feeling normal.

My heart longs to embrace every visit with family and friends. I value each minute spent in relationship with people. I value the privilege to have the means to visit home every summer. I LOVE cooking for my children and simply doing life with them.  I choose to embrace the uncomfortable place of reverse culture shock and allow it to help me grow. And, I can't wait for the wedding and to become a mother in law!

I am loving being on home soil and look forward to Greg joining me soon!