Saturday, June 9, 2018

On Home Soil

I have started a new post many times since my last, only to delete it because it wasn't expressing my heart perfectly. If I continue to be unsatisfied with my posts,I will never capture my present to remember and learn from. 

The greatest blessing this school year has been the many visitors to our home in Phnom Penh. The visitor rainfall began with our kids and my parents at Christmas, with my parents staying on about a month longer than the kids. Oh the adventures we had!  Making memories in Phnom Penh with our family makes Cambodia feel more like a home and less like a temporary shelter for an undetermined time frame. In March we enjoyed other visitors from Canada - two former students of mine (with 1 new husband in tow) and friends who were once Greg's employers. One of these days, I'll sit down and record some of the adventures we experienced with them.

In many ways, it was a year of real settlement for us as life became settled and "normal". We enjoy our places of employment, we LOVE our church (Anglican!) and have we have rich friendships. I felt so settled that there was an inner struggle regarding coming home for the summer. Of course I couldn't wait to get home to my children and family, but I was leaving some precious people too. I had to say some forever goodbyes as people move on from Cambodia. Greg and I are apart about 6 weeks this summer and I miss him! I miss my friends. The flip side to that is the sheer joy and excitement of seeing my family and friends in Ontario. We are busy planning a wedding for our daughter T, and I am LOVING every minute of it. The dichotomy of happy/sad continues to be a battle in my heart and mind that has to rest at a happy place of being in order to fully feel at peace with this life.

I confess that I have been guilty of mocking of seemingly normal Westerners who have feigned culture shock upon return to Canada after being abroad for a time. I questioned how any true Canadian could not simply just settle back into life here. Suck it up! I've questioned if reverse culture shock is truly a thing. As I experience reverse culture shock, I am certain it is truly a thing!

The main things I have noticed require adjusting are - 

1. Handling of money - In Cambodia, money is passed either with two hands on the bill, or one hand passing the bill, while the other hand crosses and rests on the arm handling the money. This is respect for the money handling process. I truly look like a weirdo handling my money like this in Canada. I have to catch myself and remind myself of where I am. It may seem like a little thing, but it makes me feel out of place in my own country. 

2. Money confusion - In Cambodia, we use both American cash and Cambodian Riel, generally for less than $1. I did not change all of my American money to Canadian dollars and I continue to take out American money to pay. I don't even notice my actions until the sales person quotes me the exchange rate. I need to take all money but my Canadian currency  out of my wallet so this aging brain of mine can adjust.

3. Driving - I remember the adjustment to driving in Canada being an issue last year and it certainly is again. I am SO grateful to my in laws for providing us with wheels this summer. Renting for 2 months is quite costly and this support is greatly appreciated. I think the main adjustment is trusting that people stop at lights and stop signs. In Phnom Penh, someone is always coming at you and driving right into you, so it requires slowing down at all intersections. I've found that slowing down at every green light is not appreciated in Toronto. :)

The other adjustment is judging when to turn into traffic. In Phnom Penh, you cut people off all the time. That's how it's done. It's a giant game of chicken. Who has the bigger car to make it through the intersection first? Who is the most brave? I need to allow far more space when I am turning into an intersection and stop cutting people off, or so the middle fingers have told me. 

The speed of traffic in Ontario makes my heart race. I seldom drive over 45km in Cambodia. The fast moving traffic on the highways takes some getting used to. I need to remember the sheer fear of driving in PP for the first time and acknowledge that I've had so many more years experience of driving in Canada.

4. Politeness - Oh Canada - you are lovely. Cambodians are lovely, smiley people too but Canadians are so helpful. I have been overwhelmed at how polite our culture is. Yesterday, J and I were at an indoor shopping space in the financial district, looking at a directory. A smart looking, well dressed man stopped to ask us if he could help us find what we were looking for as he walks through the center everyday and knows it well. Buses that we have almost missed (I hate driving downtown TO) stop when they see us running. People say have a nice day after every encounter. 

5. Jet lag - The reality of an 11 time difference and recovering from a 24 hour trip is exhausting! My home base is my parent's place, which I am SO grateful for. But, despite that gratefulness and comfort, I have let fatigue and irritability get the better of me more than once. Thankfully, my parents and kids love me unconditionally. Today marks a week in, so I am hopeful I will start feeling normal.

My heart longs to embrace every visit with family and friends. I value each minute spent in relationship with people. I value the privilege to have the means to visit home every summer. I LOVE cooking for my children and simply doing life with them.  I choose to embrace the uncomfortable place of reverse culture shock and allow it to help me grow. And, I can't wait for the wedding and to become a mother in law!

I am loving being on home soil and look forward to Greg joining me soon!